


How Am I Supposed To Live

by shadowsamurai



Category: Waking the Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 23:25:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As news goes, Grace will never receive any that will give her as big a shock as this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Am I Supposed To Live

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up to and including S6.  
> All lyrics used belong to Michael Bolton.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD

Grace was in a buoyant mood when she entered the building that morning for work. Her children had made her keep the weekend free as they had plans for her; they wouldn't tell her what those plans involved, but Grace wasn't about to complain if they wanted to spoil her. They were so busy with their own lives, as she was busy with hers, that they rarely saw each other, so when they did, she made the most of it.

"Morning," Grace greeted the other members of the team as she entered the squad room. Out of habit, she looked at Boyd's office and saw it empty. "See he's not in yet."

Stella and Spencer exchanged glances before forcing smiles on their faces. "Morning, Grace," Stella said, too brightly. "Coffee?"

"Yes. Thank you." The profiler put her bag and coat in her office, then came back out, found a spare chair and sat down, arms folded across her chest. "Alright, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Spencer replied, not looking at her.

"You forget, Spence, I have kids," Grace said. "I can spot a lie at ninety paces."

The doors from the lab burst open and Eve bustled in. "Hey, guys, I think we should take Grace out for lunch, cushion the blow a little," she announced, oblivious to the profiler's presence and the 'cut' motions her colleagues were covertly making. "Of course, if Boyd's actually been a man and told her, it won't really help, but we can try…." She suddenly noticed Stella's look of sheer mortification. "What?"

"Morning, Eve," Grace said, her tone bordering on frosty.

"Shit," the scientist muttered. "Er, hi, Grace. I'll just…." Eve motioned back to the lab, but before she made it across the room, she found the profiler blocking her way.

"Tell me what's going on *now*," she said in a steely tone.

Spencer sighed. "Sit down, Grace. Please. We thought…well, we thought you already knew. You haven't spoken to Boyd?"

"Not since last week. He said he was having a few days off." Panic suddenly gripped Grace's heart and pushed the air from her lungs. "Has something happened? Is Boyd alright?"

Stella was knelt by Grace's side in seconds, holding her hand. "He's fine. Nothing's happened."

"Then what…?"

"He's leaving," Spencer said flatly. "Boyd's packing up and moving to America."

Grace was stunned, and for a few moments, all she could do was sit with her mouth hanging open. "What?" It was a stupid thing to say, but she actually couldn't think of anything else.

"He's going to America," Eve repeated wearily. "He told us at the beginning of the week, before you got in. We thought…well, we thought he'd call you or something. We didn't realise he hadn't told you."

Shock soon gave way to anger, and as the fire flared in Grace's eyes, Stella prudently moved away. "Where is he?" the profiler asked, her voice like daggers.

"Home," Spencer replied.

Grace stalked to her room, grabbed her coat and bag, and then stopped. "If you phone him, I'll break your arms," she snapped at the team, smashing the doors open with such force everyone jumped, and bits of plaster fell off the wall.

"Shit," Spencer muttered, throwing his pen on the desk and leaning back in his chair. "Well, that could have gone better."

"Sorry," Eve said. "I didn't realise she was sat there. And I thought Boyd would have told her, especially with their history."

"I'm just glad he's on the receiving end of Grace's anger," Stella added, sighing.

WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD

*I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today  
I had to come and get it straight from you  
They said you were leaving, someone swept your heart away*

Boyd frowned at the insistently loud pounding on his door. "Alright, I'm coming." The knocking continued. "I said alright!" he yelled in frustration. "What are you de…af? Oh. Hi, Grace."

The slap resounded around his semi-empty house. "Don't 'hi, Grace' me," she snapped at him, every fibre in her seething with rage. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends, Boyd, but after all this time, I had to find out second hand what you're doing!"

Boyd's face was a mask of coldness, his cheek throbbing where she had hit him, but he refused to reach up to it. "And what am I doing?"

"Apart from being a bastard?" Grace sniped. "Let me think…. Oh, I don't know, moving to America maybe?"

*From the look upon you face I see it's true*

Boyd's mask cracked and he lowered his head. "Oh. That." He sighed. "You'd better come in."

*So tell me all about it, tell me about the plans you're making*

"Why didn't you tell me?" Grace asked, anger giving way to hurt.

"I don't know, Grace. I just…I kept putting it off. I'd have come to see you before I left," Boyd said.

"How noble."

"Christ, Grace, you're not making this easy!"

Grace glared at him. "You're the one that made the problem in the first place, Boyd!" She clenched her hands in frustration. "You should have *told* me."

"I know," he admitted.

"So tell me know. Why are you leaving? What are you going to do in America?"

Boyd looked at her, his dark eyes a mystery. "Sarah. She…well, she wants to make a go of…something. I've got to know whether we've got something together or not. I can get a job in America, and there's nothing else keeping me here."

Grace gasped, louder than she should have done, as his words cut her to the bone, and into her soul. "I see."

*I'm too proud for crying, didn't come here to break down  
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end  
And how can I blame you when I built my world around  
The hope that one day, we'd be so much more than friends*

Boyd frowned. "Grace? What's wrong?"

She stared at him, and for a moment, let all the barriers down. Whether he saw what she was showing him or not, Grace didn't know. But now she had nothing to lose by trying, even though she couldn't say the words. Boyd's eyes flickered wider for a moment, before narrowing again, and the frown deepened.

*Now I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming  
Now that your dream has come true*

"Nothing, Boyd. Just forget it." Grace stood, trying hard to control her trembling form. "Well, I wish you'd had the guts to tell me, but you didn't. We can't change that now. Good luck, Peter. I hope you find everything you're looking for."

"Grace, wait!" Boyd shouted, catching her half way down the path.

The rain was just starting to fall, and Grace was glad as it masked the tears that were starting to spill over. "What?"

"Is that it?" he asked, confused. "Just 'good luck'?"

"What more do you want, Boyd?" Grace shouted. "I haven't got anything left to give!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

Grace felt like screaming in frustration, but she didn't. She looked him in the eye and sighed. "You don't get it, do you? You never have, and you never will. I can see that now. I had hoped…things may change, but obviously not. Just…." Grace took a deep breath. "Just tell me one thing, Boyd…."

*Tell me one thing more before I go  
How am I supposed to live without you  
Now that I've been loving you so long  
How am I supposed to live without you  
And how am I supposed to carry on  
When all that I've been living for is gone*

His silent answer was all Grace needed. She turned and headed to her car, glancing once in the rear view mirror as she drove away, the sight behind her one that would be imprinted in her mind forever. Boyd stood where she had left him, drenched to the skin, his hair plastered to his head, his shoulders sloping instead of straight and his hands hanging limply by his sides; the very picture of dejection without knowing why.

WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD

"Boyd," Spencer said in surprise. "I thought you'd gone."

"Forgot a few things," Boyd replied curtly.

Eve, Spencer and Stella exchanged glances. They knew Boyd had cleared his office thoroughly already, and there was only one reason he would be back. None of them spoke, knowing full well what was about to happen. Boyd made a pretence of looking around his old office, but they saw his head keep coming up as he looked over to Grace's room. The glances became more frequent, and the furrow on his forehead deepened.

"Three," Eve muttered.

"Two," Stella said.

"One," Spencer added.

"Now," they all chorused quietly.

On cue, Boyd suddenly came out of his room, stormed across the hall and slammed the door to Grace's office open.

"Is it too late to run away?" Stella asked.

Eve nodded. "Far too late, I think."

"Where is she?" Boyd yelled, coming into the squad room.

"Who, sir?" Spencer asked mildly.

"Don't piss me about, Spence," Boyd snapped. "Where's Grace?"

Eve looked at him. "Didn't she tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Boyd asked, his patience hanging by an almost non-existent thread.

"She's gone," Stella said quietly. "She handed her notice into the Home Office and the commissioner a few days ago."

"She quit?" Boyd asked, stunned.

Spencer nodded. "And before you ask, we don't know where she is. We checked her home address and found it's up for sale. Her mobile isn't connecting, and we can't get through to her on her landline."

"Basically, Grace has done a disappearing act on us," Eve said. "It's strange, but it happened after she spoke to you. I take it the conversation didn't go well?"

"None of your damned business," Boyd retorted angrily.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Spencer asked. "Only we're pretty busy now we're two members of the team down, so if you don't mind…."

Without replying, Boyd strode out of the room and didn't stop until he was in the car park. Leaning against his car, he took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "No, Spence, I didn't find what I was looking for," he muttered to himself, staring at the sky. But it was too late to change anything now; far too late. With a shaky sigh, Boyd climbed into his car and drove off for his new life.

FIN


End file.
